To Not Be Left Wanting

***disclaimer:  no sewing or crafting is referred to in this post.***

 I've been thinking a lot about longing lately.  I know that I am not alone in longing for both big and small things to come into my life.  Things that I believe will bring even more happiness.

In January of 2005 I wrote in my journal:
"This year I have made the goal to not be left wanting.  Too often I find myself overlooking the abundance I have, looking for the next thing that will complete my world.  I have been suffering form the "if only" disease."

At the time I was pleading for a baby.  Begging.  Probably making deals with God.  I wanted it B A D.

Just about two years after that entry I held my two perfect babies that I had prayed soooo hard for.  That longing, and those prayers have brought me great appreciation for them.

In January of 2007 I was caring for newborn twins - a demanding job, and wrote:
"When I resolved to 'not be left wanting' I challenged myself to be grateful for what I do have, and not to waste energy on that which I do not.  This year's motto echos that from before.  Although I struggle with the wording, my goal is something to the effect of cherish - savor ... to fully and completely enjoy every stage of our girls' development.  I don't want to wish anything away.  Even if that means 2 1/2 hours of sleep a night."

Of course there have been things I have longed for since that time.  Some very trivial.  But for years I have been in the same place I was in 05'.  Baby crazed.  There are a myriad of very personal reasons why there isn't a 5th wheel in our family, but I hurt to raise another child.  I am alone in that wish in my marriage - which rules out even temporary parenting.

The issue is not with my spouse.  Yes, it stinks that we are not of the same page, but the reason I write this post is the idea of finding fulfillment in our present circumstances.  Any ideas? I know gratitude is the antidote.  And I do pretty good with other areas.  But motherhood.... I feel that is my game.  And it seems there is just too much of me for two kids.  I fear I will smother them.

Are there recurring 'biggies' in your life that require you to change perspective.  Do you have tips for accepting and embracing your present gifts .... and to not be left wanting.

[all photos are photos of photos.  Sadly year 1-2 photos are all in Utah.]

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