***disclaimer: no sewing or crafting is referred to in this post.***
I've been thinking a lot about longing lately. I know that I am not alone in longing for both big and small things to come into my life. Things that I believe will bring even more happiness.
In January of 2005 I wrote in my journal:
"This year I have made the goal to not be left wanting. Too often I find myself overlooking the abundance I have, looking for the next thing that will complete my world. I have been suffering form the "if only" disease."
At the time I was pleading for a baby. Begging. Probably making deals with God. I wanted it B A D.
Just about two years after that entry I held my two perfect babies that I had prayed soooo hard for. That longing, and those prayers have brought me great appreciation for them.
In January of 2007 I was caring for newborn twins - a demanding job, and wrote:
"When I resolved to 'not be left wanting' I challenged myself to be grateful for what I do have, and not to waste energy on that which I do not. This year's motto echos that from before. Although I struggle with the wording, my goal is something to the effect of cherish - savor ... to fully and completely enjoy every stage of our girls' development. I don't want to wish anything away. Even if that means 2 1/2 hours of sleep a night."
The issue is not with my spouse. Yes, it stinks that we are not of the same page, but the reason I write this post is the idea of finding fulfillment in our present circumstances. Any ideas? I know gratitude is the antidote. And I do pretty good with other areas. But motherhood.... I feel that is my game. And it seems there is just too much of me for two kids. I fear I will smother them.
[all photos are photos of photos. Sadly year 1-2 photos are all in Utah.]